What is spiritual bypassing?
John Welwood coined the term spiritual bypassing to describe a process he saw happening in the Buddhist community he was in (and also in himself).
He noticed a widespread tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to “sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.”
He provides signs of spiritual bypassing in practitioners:
Speaking beautifully about basic goodness, but unable to trust it when wounds are triggered
Developing compassion for others while being harsh on oneself for falling short of spiritual ideals
Spiritual practice becoming dry, solemn, or dutiful rather than alive
Using "service to others" unconsciously as a way to feel good about oneself
Using spiritual brilliance to feed narcissistic inflation and devalue others
He warns against using meditation to detach from uncomforatble feelings, “For those in denial about personal wounds, practice can reinforce coldness, disengagement, and interpersonal distance.”
He says, “Most of us don't get as triggered anywhere in our lives as much as in intimate relationships. If we use spiritual bypassing to avoid our relational wounds, we're missing a tremendous area of practice — one where compassion is developed in the trenches, where our wounds are most activated.”
I agree wholeheartedly. We are on earth to learn from physicality, and that means emotions and sensations. We help one another learn by triggering one another; we can’t avoid it! What we can do is develop compassion so that we lessen the pain we give and receive. There’s the spiritual practice! Let’s not bypass it.
