Casual sex gets a bad rap, and so does hookup culture. And that’s because there’s nothing really casual about sex and hookup culture doesn’t understand much about being cultured.
There is a way, though, to have really hot sex with no strings attached. Read on to find out.
1. Take a few minutes for yourself to sit quietly and imagine your dream come true. Is it 3 young men in rotation? Is it one guy who you can see once a month? Just let your subconscious play.
If you know what you want, you will find it more quickly. If you’re not sure exactly, that’s ok, just have some notion of where you’d like to begin.
2. Once you have your ideal scenario in mind (no matter how unrealistic you think it may be), ask yourself how you would feel if you had that. Are there any “negative” feelings? Fear, guilt, shame? If so, think back to where you learned them. Did the girls at high school call you names if you dated more than one guy? Did your religion teach you sex without commitment is wrong? Decide if you want to continue to believe those things.
Before you go out and get what you want, you need to clear these limiting beliefs or you will subconsciously sabotage yourself.
3. Finesse your profile on a dating app or two.
Make your age range very broad. From 22 to 72. It doesn’t matter what age a guy is (as long as he’s legal) it only matters if you have chemistry together.
Your profile needs to express your individual personality and also indicate that you’re open to casual sex. And I don’t mean by checking the boxes that say, “casual sex”. Don’t do that. That brings out the men with no finesse. I mean in what you write. The best quality guys are looking for someone who’s fun and discerning — like themselves.
Write something like, “I’m looking for the whole package, ultimately, but along the way, a lot of fun…” or, “I don’t need to know your middle name” or, “give me a break from everyday life” .
You are painting the picture of the scenario you imagined in step 1.
4. Flip through pictures, don’t read profiles.
Just flip and breathe and check in with your instincts. Your soul knows instinctively which guys will work. Don’t read their profiles yet.
When someone matches with you, then read the profile and decide if you want to reply.
5. Do a lot of texting and/or video chatting. Yes, there are lots of guys who say they don’t want endless texting. Fair enough. It doesn’t have to go on for months but the best sex comes with connection.
So, do lots of hot flirting and sexting to build the anticipation and to make yourself feel that you know this guy’s character. If you don’t feel safe and relaxed you won’t enjoy the sex. And that doesn’t take long. It just takes openness and a sense of adventure and some spiritual vulnerability.
Make sure you talk about birth control and avoiding sexually transmitted diseases. Take the appropriate actions — condoms, or testing and sharing results, for example. As I have said, sex is better when you feel safe and relaxed.
You should feel like you’re actually friends before you have sex: friends who respect each other and want to please each other.
6. Meet for coffee.
Tell the guy you will have coffee with him and not have sex with him straight after that first meeting. He may smell weird, or you just get the wrong vibe from him. Trust yourself, you will know before coffee is over. You will probably know within 60 seconds.
You can always change your mind and take him home, but if he’s not expecting sex on the first meeting, you won’t feel obligated.
7. No alcohol or drugs for the first meeting or the first time you have sex.
Don’t get dressed up for a date. This first meeting is not a date. Do not go for a drink, get drunk, and then bring the guy back for sex.
If you need to get drunk for sex, that’s a sign that you need to lower your inhibitions to have sex. And that means there’s something you’re not facing. Do that work first — figure out what you’re not facing and face it. The sex will be so much better.
If you know who you are spiritually and emotionally, and your actions are in alignment with your values, you won’t feel remorse, guilt, or shame afterward, you’ll feel enlivened and loved.
8. Arrange to meet for sex. And do it.
Make sure you schedule enough time for a little chit chat, a little warming up, and some cool down time, as well. Make sure you have enough privacy.
Say goodbye with a smile and a kiss.
9. Continue to be respectful, loving, and honest.
Did you enjoy yourself? Send a text to say so. Would you like to do it again? Call and say so. Do you want to try something raunchier next time? Send a sexy pic and say so.
Forget the rules and the games. Just be nice.
Wishing you love and light and lots of hot sex.